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Understanding The Types of People Pleasing Behaviour

If you are unhappy with your food or an order is incorrect, let the person / company know. Remember that products, services, and in fact people who work in these businesses, cannot improve things and grow, nor learn how to deal with these issues, if we as customers don’t let them know. Do not fear ‘hurting’ or pissing them off. They want to hear from their customers and if they don't, that's more their problem than it is yours.

 

The next time you’re asked where you would like to eat out or what you’d like to eat, don’t defer to the other party. Make a suggestion. Plan in advance for this by having 2-3 suggestions under your belt. Think about what type of food you like or what you’d like to try and then you research places accordingly. Your local paper or community website will have suggestions plus the likes of Time Out, Metro and other commuter publications often have suggestions. Remember, it’s just your taste in food or an expression of interest. You’re allowed to have an opinion on what you’d like to try. Other people get to have their turn and in fact, probably have had their turn many times over. Speak up, as it can be wearying to always have to be the person who comes up with the ideas. They won’t know where they stand with you. They may feel as if they’re imposing themselves upon you.

 

The next time you’re making plans with someone about something that you can do together, like with the type of food / restaurant suggestion, have a couple of things in mind. It does not have to be the "perfect" thing and if it turns out that it’s not your bag, at least you gave it a try; it doesn’t mean that you were wrong to make the suggestion.

 

Suggest an alternative to the person who always tries to do things their way. Not an aggressive person – someone you get on with and who, possibly because you tend to sit back or because they’re just a bit more assertive and assume that if you want different that you’ll say, will take turns and not feel away. 'I really enjoy going to / doing X (whatever they’re proposing/assuming) but this time I’d really like to try Y (you’re suggestion).'

 

Suggest an idea in a meeting or when a coworker is discussing a challenge with you. Remember, you're not saying it with the expectation of automatic agreement or implementation; you're saying it to contribute.

 

When you’re asked about something that you feel unsure about say, “I’ll think about it and get back to you.” Watch what happens next. I'm 100% certain that the sky won't fall down and the floor won't start erupting around you.

 

Don’t say sorry when somebody does something to you. Example, they bump into you and you apologise, they make an error….and you apologise. Make a really conscious effort to do this and you will notice what a positive effect it has on your mood.

 

Rather than feeling silly, stupid, or assuming an unpleasant motivation or meaning when a person says something to you that you’re not sure of the meaning or intent, say, 'I don’t know what you mean'. Or say, 'I don’t know what ________ means', or 'I don’t know who that is – who are they?' Even people who are considered to be experts or even geniuses don’t know everything and they ask plenty of questions. You’d be surprised, particularly in group situations, how many other people might actually have the same questions as you but also be afraid to admit it. I've been in situations where I've felt scared to query something and then I finally did and it's as if the floodgates opened and other people started voicing their confusion.

 

Say thank you when you’re given a compliment while smiling and looking them in the eye. This is better than looking down or saying something bad about you in response, or even feeling suspicious.

 

If you use dating sites, the next time you’re asked by a virtual stranger to send sexual photos or to participate in an explicit conversation that you don’t want to, instead of feeling bad about offending this person or looking like a “prude”, either just say no or stop replying. Believe me when I say that they won’t take offense; they’ll just canvass for photos or explicit conversations elsewhere…

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