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The Library

AUGUST 2017

This month's key message

It's more than OK for me to have and express my needs in relationships.

This month’s theme is about learning to be okay with having needs within your interpersonal relationships and making them part of the expression of who you are as a person. Forget 'needy'--the you that's treating and regarding you with love, care, trust and respect knows and lives it, that having needs is critical to your well-being.

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THIS MONTH'S PRE-RECORDED WEBINAR: Taking A Stand: Needs In Relationships

Journaling Guide

These thought-provoking questions explore the five key areas of tension when it comes to needs within relationships: being concerned about coming across as 'needy', seeing needs as a 'get', not seeing a point to expressing needs if you don't have guarantees about what will happen, meeting needs with wants, and giving what you want to get back.

Making some shifts around your mindset and attitude with needs in the area of relationships will leave you feeling empowered in and out of a relationship.

Along with the questions, there are some tips to get you started with making these shifts.

 

 

explore your needs within relationships

How To Communicate Your Boundaries From The Zone of Self-Esteem

When I put together my popular course, Embrace Healthy Boundaries, I wanted to encapsulate the mindset and attitude for healthy boundaries so that not only is it easier for you to understand how to communicate your boundaries but you can also quickly recognise when others are not expressing their boundaries from a place of love, care, trust and respect.

This class from that same course, explains the landmarks of boundaried communication: compassion, congruency, clarity, grace and ownership. It also includes a journaling prompt and a mini task.

And before anyone asks: If you know how to communicate from a boundaried place, you know how to live and communicate your needs.

how to communicate your boundaries

Getting Over “Just”, “Should”, “Sorry but...” & Other Language Habits

Another class from, Embrace Healthy Boundaries, recognising language habits that harm the intent and clarity of your message is critical when it comes to communicating your needs in situations where, for instance, you need to make a clear statement or be clear in your ask. 

Covering habits like generalising, using 'just' and 'sorry' too much, not cutting to the chase and more, tweaking these habits can have a surprisingly profound effect on your self-esteem and the way you feel when you're engaging with others.

And of course--you will be able to recognise why you might feel uncomfortable when people approach you about their needs, but you can also have compassion for others and recognise that not only do others have their own habits but that it's no reflection on you.

Getting Over “Just”, “Should”, “Sorry but...” & Other Language Habits

Figure Out Your Voids

This simple but profound exercise was featured with the Needs VS Wants class  and I'm all too aware of how we can be tempted to skip over an exercise, but, if taking care of your needs within relationships is a priority and you haven't done this exercise yet, this is the time. 

If you've already done it, use what you learned to understand where you were coming up against stumbling blocks within your relationships.

This exercise is a really helpful way to get clarity about where the voids are coming from in your life, but it also helps you to understand where you need to have some healthier boundaries so that you can take care of you in a more loving way and enjoy more fulfilling relationships.

figure out your voids

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