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Beliefs & How They Make Up A Fundamental Part of Your Pattern

Every pattern has recurring beliefs coursing right through it. They can often unwittingly show up again and again without you even realising. This means that if you’re faced with the task of trying to uncover your pattern and are feeling like there are so many events and experiences to go through, you can actually get a good gauge on what you’ve been doing by looking at your beliefs.

 

A belief is something that you believe to be true.

 

Where beliefs can cause problems is when they are taken as fact and absolute truth when there is evidence to suggest otherwise, and when they’re not sanity checked in the first place, so you’re actually living with blind assumptions that are not working for you. Thoughts and assumptions are not facts. A fact is something that is indisputably true, something that beliefs rarely are.

Indisputable means unable to be challenged or denied – Can you really say that anything that you believe fits these criteria?

A belief can appear to be ‘true’ in the context of something happening that reflects it, but it doesn’t mean that it’s ‘true true’.

Prime example: If you believe that you’re not good enough and that love is only valuable when it comes from a reluctant source, who would you try to have a relationship with? Someone who is available and willing to love without you clobbering them? Or someone who you have to bust your own boundaries and let them bust yours in order to get crumbs of attention? Yes, you’d go for the latter. When that person does what they’re inclined to do, so give you attention reluctantly and be unwilling to give you the relationship that you want, that doesn’t mean that you’re not ‘good enough’. Nor does it mean that you’re unlovable or that if they can’t love you, then it’s not worth trying to be with someone different. Also, your idea of ‘true’ in this situation is not the same conclusion that another person would draw. If another person was around somebody who behaved in the same way, they’d opt out and decide that they deserved better and that the inability for this person to cough up a relationship or any true feeling was a reflection of that person’s own issues, not anything to do with their worth or quality as a person.

What you believe directly impacts your values, the things that you believe that you fundamentally need in order to be happy and live your life authentically.

 

This means that your values should reflect what you believe although you’d be surprised how many people have values that are in direct conflict with what they believe.

  • Many people have a committed relationship as a core value…. and yet they don’t actually believe in their ability to have a committed relationship or have other beliefs and values that are in direct conflict with this value.
  • Many people say that they believe in honesty and have it as a core value… but they don’t practice honesty in their lives.
  • Many people don’t believe in themselves… but expect others to believe in them and have it as a value that it’s important for people to believe in themselves and be a person of action.

When you have a pattern that’s working against you, when you find that you have mismatched actions and words, and when what you say that you are or want is not reflected in your life, it’s because there’s a disconnect between what you really believe which affects your mindset which affects your actions and your actual actions.

When you become conscious of your beliefs and values and also seek to be more present and connected with who you really are and what you say that you want, you will find that not only do you have to challenge what you believe but that you start to experience better results instead of feeling frustrated.

Beliefs work in a cycle. What you believe affects your mentality and you in turn act in line with what you believe…even if you outwardly are saying otherwise. This creates a self-fulfilling prophecy which sends a signal to you that what you believe is correct, but it’s that you provided the actions that supported your beliefs and thinking.

If you acted differently to what you believe, you’d have to believe differently, and that means that you’d have to continue to act differently. Beliefs are not something that you can just pay lip service to because as you’ve likely already recognised, you do things out of habit without even realising and can even be quietly sabotaging ‘unbeknownst’ to you.

If you’re going to change your habits, you’re going to have to change your thinking.

 

If you’re going to change your thinking, you’re also going to have to slow down enough to recognise the actions that are contributing to keeping you stuck in a cycle.

As an example, when you have a fear of failure, fear of success, you can engage in procrastination. You may think that you’re being super-busy, overloaded with so many other things, or that you’re giving special attention to something. But actually, on another level, you may be being so self-critical and sensing that you’re at a certain stage of something, that an almost instinctive need to delay and protect yourself from failure or the expectations that come with success kicks in. I say this from experience…

Beliefs are a very powerful part of your thinking that impacts everything and that you can have a lot more power over when you slow yourself down enough to truly think about what you’re thinking, question it, and act with more conscience. It’s doing the due diligence and being on a low bullshit diet by reducing the amount of denying, rationalising, minimising, assumptions and excuses plus actively challenging anything that is negative and does not add value to your life. It’s also, where possible, understanding why you may believe what you believe.

Over the past few months, I’ve had conversations with friends, acquaintances, and readers about fear of failure/fear of success. Many of us did not realise that we had one, the other, or both or where it comes from. Then one day I went to see my kinesiologist (like acupuncture without needles) to check if I was ready to eat wheat again and while chatting, some secret beliefs came out. I realised then that I am an unwitting perfectionist (or at least I was or am trying not to be) because I have been taught that it’s wrong to get things wrong and that I may be punished or experience negative consequences. It’s that fear of displeasing people and the ensuing drama. On the flip side, if you are successful at something, people can expect more of you, so what if you end up displeasing them, not meeting their hopes and expectations and then basically ‘failing’?

This means that you can outwardly believe that you can do something but internally where you might not realise yet, you’re at conflict with your conscious belief because unconsciously you don’t believe the same thing. How can you spot the conscious/unconscious conflict? Because it shows up in your actions – it’s that round and round feeling, it’s the uncomfortable tug in your tummy, and procrastination is a big marker.

If a belief doesn’t positively work for you, there is no benefit to holding onto it.

 

The reason why you may feel compelled to hold onto it is that you can continue believing other things or doing certain things that help you avoid other aspects of your life or that give you a short-term boost. It can even unwittingly leave you in a comfort zone of feeling victimised. The truth is, some people don’t want or like to change or have the responsibility that they have anyway, and they don’t have any desire to be real, but you’re here so that means that you must have a pretty good dose of desire.

What you need to evaluate at this point is what your beliefs are and then look at where they show up in your life, and this week there will be some activities on this. It can be shocking to uncover what you truly think, not what you tell other people you think because you think that it’s what they want to hear. Or even what you yourself want to hear.

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