BS Diet: Being Happy With Who You ARE & Setting An Agreement With You
When you keep telling yourself that you’re not enough and you spend too much time thinking about what you’re not and what you ‘should’ be in the future while neglecting yourself in the present, you’re not happy with who you are.
The easiest way to see how happy you are with you – are you consistently happy with your present for any length of time? Can you be genuinely content with who you are and get on with your life for more than a few hours or days before you start questioning you? If somebody says or does something that you don’t like or something unexpected happens, can your happiness with you come crashing down at a whim?
If your periods of feeling happy tend to be brief, it’s linked to how happy you are with you.
If you find that even when you appear to get the things that you want that you’re still feeling like something is ‘missing’, it’s about how happy you are with you. You can buy all of the things in the world, keep moving to new places, find a new relationship, or even get people to validate you, but if you’re not happy with you, it will never be enough.
You learning to accept and appreciate you is the ‘enough’.
You can never accept who you are and make any honest changes for growth if you are persistently living in the past and/or the future. Get into the present so that you can accept who you are. Wishing that you were someone else is self-rejection. The NOW bit is very important.
So it’s time to make an agreement with you and make good on a lesson in your journey of learning to be a person of your word, respecting who you are and treating you with love, care, and trust. Providing the actions and working on the supportive thinking will gradually give way to you feeling better and building your self-esteem.
My Personal Agreement
I ____________ (insert your name) will respect my own boundaries and those of others.
I will not take the inadequacies of others and character assassinate and blame myself. I am a separate entity – from this day forward I’m going to cut my proverbial umbilical cord with ‘everyone’ around me and stop making Other People’s Behaviour about me. Whenever I go down the path of making it about me, instead of chasing the thought and piling on the blame, I will mentally pull over and sanity check my thinking and actions.
I am not a victim. I will not be a victim. I will not continue to judge me on a perspective gained from experiences where I have been treated in a less than favourable manner and even though I have been hurt, my hurt and even what others have failed to be and do is not who I am. This is not my identity.
I am me.
I will appreciate who I am and recognise that I have weaknesses like everyone but that I also have strengths. I will validate me by having my own opinion, practicing judgement, trusting through action and engaging my mind and senses, and by choosing to accept me and to keep choosing. I will not prioritise someone else’s opinion of me over my own.
I will support me by treating me with love, care, trust, and respect. I will support me by not undermining decisions by flip-flapping and undoing them, or sticking with a poor decision when new information has come to light or the circumstances that I originally made the decision in have changed and clearly show that my decision needs to be re-evaluated.
I will make decisions.
I will stimulate me with new experiences and by doing things that honour my values. Yes – I will support me by discovering what my values are and devoting my time and energies to living them so that I can be authentic and happy. I will not be spending my time trying to live by other people’s values.
I am going to stop berating and punishing me. I will practice compassion and empathy on myself plus I will forgive me instead of focusing on punishment; I will focus on learning and growth. If I make a mistake, if I make an error in judgement, it’s OK. I will not lie to myself and I will remember that whether things go ‘right’ or ‘wrong’ it’s all feedback that will help me next time round – what doesn’t work now will help me to figure out what will work further down the line.
I am going to take on the responsibility for parenting myself that has actually been mine since I became an adult. This means I will parent me and my inner child and work on the actions and mentality that will provide an atmosphere of growth and self-love. I will challenge my inner critic and will speak to, think about and treat me in the way that I would want others to treat me. When I stray off the path of self-love, I will remind myself with “Would I speak to or treat a child or another human being in this way?”
I ____________ (insert your name) will choose to love me and will find out how to make me happy and create personal security for me. I will regard and treat me as a valuable person who is worth the effort. I will recognise where I have been and stop trying to do the same thing and expecting different results. When I falter, I can be upset, have a bad day or bad week, but I will get up and live to try again.
I will love me.
You can add your own elements to the agreement but just ensure that you make a personal agreement with you. I vowed that I would never put myself through what I had before and that