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Evaluating Your Boundaries & Trust Levels

Which boundaries do you have and live by?

Don't include anything that you only pay lip service to. What is your limit?

If you haven't had boundaries, which ones do you intend to live by?

Write them out in a positive way. Instead of "I'm steering clear of assholes", it's more positive to say "I'm going to trust myself to opt out of any situation, or distance myself, or take precautionary measures, where I am not being treated with basic care, trust, and respect."

What do you believe that you should or must be or do?

Do you hold others to the same standard and if not, why not? Write down any and all reasons and examine the logic and authenticity of them. You are likely to spot a number of areas where you can stand to cut yourself some slack.

On a scale of 1-10, 1 being least confident and 10 being most confident, when you think about whether you can be or do something that would cause you to get uncomfortable by coming out of your comfort zone, where would you rate yourself?

Anything 6 or below and you know that you have boundaries and taking action to address.

On a scale of 1-10, 1 being least trusting and 10 being the most, where do you rate your level of self-trust?'

5 - you'll end up flip-flapping on whether or not to trust you, under 5 and it's serious danger territory as you won't even trust boundaries that you've agreed on with yourself. 6 is improving but will probably still have issues around doubt. 7 is a good place to be - you'll trust you more than you'll trust others but there may be pockets on not trusting you that afterwards you'll wonder why on earth you didn't. 8 and 9 are solid territory - what's good to examine is the 10-20% of the time that you don't trust you? Is it on small or big stuff? Of course it's all relative. If 80% of the time you trust yourself is, for instance, in non relationship situations, but the other 20% is in dating, depending on the type of experiences you're having, you may find that your levels of trust and self-confidence are eroded into over time. 10 - I think most people go through doubts which is natural. Likelihood is that with low self-esteem, your trust levels are likely to at the lower end of the scale.

You may find it easier to divide your trust levels into a few different areas (family, friends, work, relationships) and get the average - you might be surprised. If there is a disparity, you can at least home in on why you have better self-trust in some areas of your life and evaluate where you could apply those skills, behaviours and thinking in the areas where you lack self-trust.

On a scale of 1-10, 1 being least trusting and 10 being the most, where do you rate your level of trust in someone you like or love?'

Note, if it's more than what you'd rate yourself, this is code red alert. If you trust others more than yourself, ask yourself why. Just say what instinctively comes to you - it's likely to be the truth of how you see things.

If you see something, do you trust your judgement on it and if not, why not?

If someone does something and it's inappropriate, what would make you decide to turn a blind eye or make an excuse for it that essentially turns it into being 'appropriate' even though it's not? What is your thinking behind the change in view? Write it out.

Which do you do more of - honest responsibility where you own your part even if it's painful, or blame?

If you struggle to move away from blame, which is waste of energy as it serves no purpose, what is it that keeps you stuck there? What are you trying to avoid?

 

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