Lesson one: Beliefs are used to ‘make sense’ of you and your world
A belief is something that you hold to be true. What you may not realise is that you carry beliefs that are treated as ‘facts’ (indisputable truths) that are not actually true or indisputable, but that you continue believing and using in your life nonetheless.
Beliefs put you into autopilot mode, and this is how patterns are created. You start being and doing a lot of stuff without realising that you’re catering to your beliefs.
When you have unhealthy habits of thinking and behaviour, this leads to patterns in your life that bring you anything but happiness. Until you get to the heart of what your core beliefs are – the underlying and fundamental beliefs that you’re using to govern your life – it will be difficult to break your pattern and bring about different results. If you’ve ever found yourself doing something or engaging in a situation that left you feeling bewildered as to why it happened or why you do ‘this’ to you, it’s all rooted in your beliefs.
Relationship insanity is carrying the same beliefs, baggage, choosing the same type of person in a different package, doing the same actions, carrying the same attitudes… and then expecting different results… and then lather, rinse, repeat. This is how you end up stuck. This is how you end up with a disappointment cycle or a number of them. If the core belief that drives your habits doesn’t change, even if what you’re saying and doing appears to, you will end up with a result that chimes with your belief(s).
When you examine yours, you will also see that your beliefs are the reasons that you use to ‘make sense’ of why things are or why things happened.
It’s what you believe ‘makes sense’ that needs to be examined because you are highly likely to be using a belief based on a longstanding judgment you made about you that needs to be re-examined, or a dodgy conclusion that you drew about something. When you trace your way back to where a belief started, you will see that something happened, and you looked for a reason that ‘made sense’ and seized upon, for instance, the notion that the reason why something had happened, or why a person did or didn’t do something, or why you were or weren’t something, was because you were “not good enough”.
Beliefs represent your understanding of something at that particular time; your understanding has room for growth.
If you decided that a particular unhealthy belief ‘made sense’ back then when something happened, you have since grown as a person and now have the opportunity to look at that experience with a fresh pair of eyes and to also enhance your understanding, so that you can get out of stuck and have a more balanced perspective.
When you decide that an unhealthy belief ‘makes sense’, you consciously and unconsciously adjust your behaviour to minimise you experiencing the outcome again. You look for ways to ‘fit in’ and be accepted. Unfortunately if you essentially blamed you for other people’s behaviour and/or drew an inaccurate conclusion, by defaulting every time you experience anything similar to what triggered the original belief, you’re actually reinforcing it. This has to change.
Your beliefs tell you a hell of a lot about how you see you, how you view you in the context of others, and what you expect out of life – what you predict will happen and also how you think others will or ‘should’ behave.
If you want different results, go back to the source: your beliefs.
You possess everything you need to 1) discover what you believe and 2) make a difference to your own life. If you dig a little and address your beliefs, you can and will find personal happiness that will be reflected in your sense of self, your relationships, and will ultimately change your experiences and how you see people and the world.
Get a notebook or journal and try to identify a core belief that you hold and where you got the idea that it was true. Think about the ways in which you use it to ‘make sense’ of your experiences and how this has affected your behaviour – what have you been doing to ‘fit in’?
|To help you keep track of progress, check here if you have completed Lesson 1|