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Lesson twelve: Tips For Identifying The Payoff

The key with identifying The Payoff for your belief or the initial choice you made at The Starting Point, is working out the predicted outcome: what you think you stand to gain each time you act based on the belief or you make that initial choice. Exploring why you think you will experience these benefits also tells you about your beliefs and the reasoning you apply.

Things to consider:

  • What do I believe is going to be positively confirmed about me by the Starting Point (the belief or the incident including the choice I made)?
  • What do I believe is going to result from acting on the Starting Point?
  • What are the good things that I experience(d) as a result of the Starting Point?
  • When I act based on the Starting Point, who or what do I get to blame when I end up disappointed?
  • Each time I act in line with the beliefs and/or engage in certain choices identified from my Starting Point, what am I trying to avoid?
  • What do I get to delay? What do I avoid having to change?
  • What illusions do I get to continue holding onto?
  • What do I have the opportunity to hide?
  • What can I continue to pretend not to know?
  • Which beliefs about other things in my life does this support?

Think about your expectations in this scenario – your expectations are your strong beliefs that something is going to happen or that it should happen.

If I be and do X, it will influence others and the universe to be and do Y, and then I will experience Z outcome.
If I do X (a specific action/choice), this person will be/do Y (a specific action) so that I can feel/be Z (predicted outcome).
If I don’t do X, then they won’t do Y, and I will experience Z predicted outcome.

Remember when you worked out the rules you’re living by that aren’t really rules in lesson 11? Well, these are telling you your expectations too, because you only have these rules because of your strong beliefs and your fears about not following through.

Example: If I do things less than perfectly, I will be seen as incompetent, is an example of a rule.

Hence you might perceive having a belief about perfectionism and acting in line with it, as a way of avoiding disapproval and potentially experiencing a level of validation and reward. You get to focus on others instead of you, which helps you to avoid having to take care of your own needs and expectations. By immersing yourself in perfectionist activities, you also get to avoid your feelings of low self-worth plus you may get to continue being around people who are not good for your sense of self. You get to continue believing that you’re able to control the uncontrollable. Holding onto this belief and making these choices, may support the story you tell you about why other things happened in your life, such as being inadequately parented.

Keep digging beneath the surface to uncover the perceived benefits, no matter how small or even irrelevant you consider them to be.

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