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Lesson sixteen: Process #1 – Work On Statements, Principles & ‘Rules’

You’ve prepped for transforming your beliefs and learned about questioning their validity and accuracy, and now it’s time to balance and transform them. This first transformation process works well with any firmly held beliefs that you use to guide your behaviour and choices, even though you may not be experiencing any medium to long-term benefits from persisting with the belief.

Use this process for anything that sounds like statements, principles, and rules.

STEP 1: Take a belief.
STEP 2: Write down why you believe this.
STEP 3: How is that belief working out for you? Is this belief absolutely true and irrefutable? Is it an actual rule or law? Is it positively benefiting you in the medium- to long-term, or is it hindering you?
STEP 4: What, if anything, is the belief assuming?

STEP 5: Is what you identified in step 4 actually true?
STEP 6: What is the opposite of the original belief in step 1?

STEP 7: Is the opposite more realistic and balanced, or more negative? If not, translate the belief again, this time to something more positive and realistic.
STEP 8: Affirm the more positive belief by expanding it.
STEP 9: What can you do to help you make your belief a reality?

1. I couldn’t be involved with someone who didn’t share the same interests as me.
2. I couldn’t be with someone who I didn’t share common interests with because relationships don’t work without them. A person with whom I have a lot in common is somebody who I have more potential of a future with.
3. I have pursued relationships with people who share the same interests but have been repeatedly hurt due to them lacking character. I don’t understand it. I’ve been thinking that there’s something wrong with me. I may be giving common interests too much credit.
4. It assumes that if a person shares common interests with me that they are right for me or that they share core values – that we are similar in character and/or similar in direction.
5. Um, no… None of my experiences corroborates this. In fact, while I know some couples who have shared interests, I know lots of couples that don’t or who have found new ones together.
6. Opposite – I can be involved with someone who doesn’t share all of the same interests as me.
7. The opposite is more positive.
8. I can be involved with people who don’t share the same interests as me – what I need is to be involved with somebody who I share core values with. Different doesn’t mean bad or uninteresting.
9. I will be more open-minded and not just focus solely on meeting people who I have common interests with. I will get a firm grasp on my values so that I can be better equipped to meet my own needs, expectations etc., but also so that I know what really matters when I’m getting a sense of whether to end or continue a relationship in the future. I will remove a number of the constraints that I have on my dating profile. When I meet people who share similar interests, I will calm myself and look for values to go with it.

Lesson 17’s process tackles beliefs that are in fact, really dodgy reasons you’re using to blame you for other people’s behaviour

To help you keep track of progress, check here if you have completed Lesson 16

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