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Lesson three: Understanding the Self-Fulfilling Prophecy of Unhealthy Beliefs Part 2

The cyclical effect of the self-fulfilling prophecy brings about the following issues:

  • You’ll be out of sync with your values, which are the things that you believe are fundamental to your happiness and that are intrinsically tied to your belief system. If you say that you value honesty and yet have underlying beliefs about your worth and being the real you that make it difficult for you to be honest or to truly seek and value it in others, you will engage in situations and with people that feed this idea that being honest leaves you unsafe while at the same time, feeling frustrated and hurt that you’re experiencing the pain of lies, deception, and BS.
  • Your actions and words won’t match, again making it difficult to be your authentic self – the real you living in line with the values, characteristics and desires you profess to have.
  • You will not only give off mixed messages, but your own internal mixed messages will leave you in a perennial state of confusion. Self-doubt and worry will leave you anxious and struggling to discern fact from fiction plus the danger of not being conscious of mixed messages, is that you will struggle to discern yours from those of people around you.
  • You will place the onus on external circumstances and influences such as other people, to challenge what you believe, even though you either don’t choose people capable of challenging the beliefs or you do, but because the disparity exists between what you believe and how they’re behaving, the unfamiliar triggers an unease. Which in turn may trigger you into self-sabotaging behaviour so that you get to keep believing instead of having to change.
  • You’ll feel conflicted, which aside from impacting your ability to make solid decisions, it will also cause you to undermine your own efforts. Each step forwards will have you responding to the underlying beliefs and stepping one, two or even a few steps back.

Ultimately, when you don’t recognise your underlying unhealthy (negative and unrealistic) beliefs, you don’t recognise how they’re manifesting themselves in your self-image – the way that you perceive your personality, characteristics, physical appearance, social appearance (how you appear in a social context), plus your capabilities and opportunities.

You also don’t recognise the connection between your underlying beliefs and the choices you’re making or not making.

When you have beliefs that impact on your ability to treat and regard you with love, care, trust, and respect, you will sell you short with others plus certain habits will stop you from truly honouring your needs, expectations, and desires, as well as recognising your own feelings and opinions in a healthy way.

The quality of your thoughts, particularly the beliefs that you carry around with you and the choices you make off of the back of them, matter.

Getting out of stuck is about making the connection between the thoughts that you feed you and where the impact of this diet is showing up in your life.

In Lesson 4, I’ll be explaining how using your beliefs as the narrative for your life or even the backing track, is accentuating the self-fulfilling prophecy, and why challenging and rewriting this story with a fresh perspective, can and will break a cycle of pain.

Think about instances in your life where what you project outwardly or appear to be seeking, is different to a negative belief that you hold about you, life, people, or relationships – how did you feel? Happy, anxious, resigned to being done over, looking for the other shoe to drop?  Have you ever been in a situation that didn’t chime with your beliefs and felt so panicked that you went looking for or tried to create evidence to support it? What did you do?

See if you can think of a few examples where your actions and words don’t match or where they conflict with your beliefs – what could you do that would positively support you?

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To help you keep track of progress, check here if you have completed Lesson 3

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