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Lesson eight: Examples of very common fears

Have you been trying to differentiate between your fears and beliefs after lesson seven? Looking for inspiration on how to articulate them? Here are some examples of very common fears:

Abandonment – Fear of being deserted, cast off, rejected. Being scared that you’re losing the person in question or that something about you is scaring them away. Fear of them disappearing and of not being in their presence. Fear that they’ll cheat.

Boredom – Fear of staleness and that you must inject some excitement (possibly drama) or else the relationship is doomed. Fear of things not being ‘new’ and ‘exciting’ anymore.   Fear of having to occupy your own time and life. Fear of having to be responsible for your purpose.

Capability – Fear of failure and success, fear that you can or can’t do something, fear of doing it wrong, of making the wrong decisions, of doing wrong. Fear of being incompetent, of looking stupid, of limitations and being useless. Fear of relationships. Fear of trying something new. May expect that you have to do things perfectly or that you must get them right first time.

Control – Fear of being controlled by others, of not being in control, of perceiving yourself to be giving away power, and fear of having the power. Fear of being responsible and accountable for your own life and happiness. Fear of commitment. Fear of not possessing someone or something. Fear of change and the unknown. Fear of not being able to control what others think and do.

Conflict – Fear of the negative consequences of conflict, fear of not standing up for yourself.  There is also fear of the indicators for the possibility of conflict – getting nervous when you believe there is tension or anticipating conflict even when nothing has actually happened and adjusting your behaviour to prevent it. Think people-pleasing.

Expression – Fear of expressing yourself, fear of the results of being your true self, fear of how you’ll be perceived, fear of being perceived in a negative light, fear of expressing an opposing opinion. Fear of being yourself, of not being accepted. Fear of sexuality/sexual expression. Fear of being or doing anything that would basically give people an opinion on you.

Intimacy – Fear of letting someone get close enough that if you were to lose him/her or they didn’t live up to your hopes and expectations, it would hurt. Fear that if you relax, that if you’re honest, that if you trust, or that if you allow you to be vulnerable, that you will be rejected and/or disappointed. Fear of being ‘found out’ if you allow people to know you – wearing a mask.

Insecurity/Security – Feeling insecure because you’re afraid, fear of feeling insecure, of being vulnerable, of your boundaries being crossed, and fear of rejection. Fear of losing your identity when you no longer have a partner and a relationship or the possibility of one. Fear of losing your identity and independence in a relationship or anything else that you commit to – fear of being trapped. Fear of not being good enough. Fear that you have no value and security without validation. Fearing that what you have is not enough. Feeling afraid of being secure – looking for the other shoe to drop when happy. Scarcity mindset.

Loneliness – Fear of being alone even if it is in the healthy sense of being capable of being in your own space. Fear of being isolated, fear of being separated, fear of doing anything that will cause you to experience being alone.

Loss – Fear of death, of losing someone, of poverty, of material loss, of being rejected, and fear of losing the connection that you think you have. Fear of intimacy – associate vulnerability with losing something.

Neglect – Fear of being unheard, unloved, not cared for, and not needed. Fear that your efforts don’t count. Fear that you’re not of value or being valued. Fear of being insignificant.  Fear of being deprived or depriving yourself. Fear of not being supported. Fear of not being good enough.

Pain – Fear of pain, of being hurt, of hurting others, of coming to harm, of illness, fear of death, and fear of the truth. Fear of change.

Rejection – Fear of no (giving and receiving it), fear of not getting your way, fear of disappointment or disappointing, fear of disapproval for not being ‘pleasing’. Fear of being your true self, fear of not being enough, fear that somebody out there has the power to determine whether you’re a worthwhile and valuable person. Fear of not being able to recover from no, fear of getting something wrong, fear, ultimately, of not being accepted.

How are these fears manifesting themselves in your own habits of thinking and behaviour?

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